Identity

God has been dealing with the issue of identity with me lately. I told my Bible study class the other day that I think I have always struggled with identity. Who am I?

Twins aren't that uncommon today with all the new fertility treatments, but 45 years ago you didn't see a set of identicals that often. At least that was how I remember it all these years later. From my earliest memories I can't remember feeling like I was known by my name. My mother even missed it a couple of times calling me Leanne when as I pretty sure I was Deanne. Most of the time we were introduced or referred to as the twins.

I could recount many times when we were misidentified. Once my sister said she was eating at restaurant near where I live with her husband. Somebody there kept giving her the "evil eye." She knew that the woman was thinking I was out with another man! (And my sister did not say, "I'm not who you think I am!" Instead she risked my reputation, but we laughed it off.)

The older we have become the less mirrored we are in appearance yet my Mother returned a phone message I left her this week to my sister. The older we become the more I value the gift of a twin who has all the same chromosomes that I have. It is truly a blessing and I wouldn't change my life as a twin for anything. There is nothing a like a best friend that you met in the womb.

The struggle in my life lately is about actually laying hold and be courageous enough to let my life passion to be expressed in my identity. That passion is Jesus.

A question asked in one of my study questions from the book of Esther last week addressed this struggle.

"Are you going through a time of not knowing or showing your identity? Describe a few of the circumstances that make distinctiveness a challenge in your environment."

This is the answer I wrote in my workbook:  I struggle with my identity around other Christians. I hold back because I don’t want to make others uncomfortable. I tend to see my walk with Christ as my walk; my lack of control over their “reaction” to who they perceive me to be can be a challenge to allowing the “real” me—the crazy in love with Jesus-- me out. I hate rejection and I don’t want to risk it. So I wrestle with my identity and who I will allow to really know me.

The following quote defines so well where I want to be when I think about living out my true identity:

“No matter where you live and what your days look like, you have the choice each day to depend on yourself, to live safely, and to try to control your life. Or you can live as you were created to live---as a temple of the Holy Spirit of God, as a person dependent on Him, desperate for God the Spirit to show up and make a difference. When you begin living a life characterized by walking with Spirit, that is when people will begin to look not to you but to our Father in heaven and give him praise.” ( Francis Chan, Forgotten God)

Today I identify with Christ.

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” Galatians 2:20